Bridger Lee is our rainbow baby. "Rainbow babies" are starting to break the silence surrounding miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss. Here's our rainbow baby story.
Bridger Lee is our rainbow baby. Actually, our oldest son, Breck Andrew is our rainbow baby as well. But, 5 years ago when I miscarried my first pregnancy; my first baby, I did't know any personal stories of miscarriage, other than of my Mom's miscarriage, before my brother was born. Every Christmas, my mom would hang an empty cradle ornament on our tree to remember the baby she miscarried. The empty cradle was a powerful visual message for me, even as a young girl. Miscarriage can be a very isolating experience. And, very spiritual + painful all at once. During my miscarriages, I found myself quickly processing deep + extreme emotions of both life + death. But, these emotions weren't exactly tangible. These emotions were something I had to process alone, as my pregnancies were not far enough along for other people to be on the journey with me, other than my husband. I've found that being open about my loss has helped me heal + it's helped others along their own journey as well.
My first miscarriage was on Christmas Eve, in the Rocky Mountains. It was devastating to loose my first baby on the night of such spiritual significance, the eve of our Savior's birth. It was physically + emotionally painful to wake up on Christmas morning with such a big loss to face. We hadn't told any friends or family about my pregnancy. We thought it would be the best surprise to call our parents on Christmas morning to tell them that they would become grandparents in just a few short months. Instead, we called Christmas morning in tears letting out families know of our trip to the hospital in the mountains the night before.
A few months after my first miscarriage, I became pregnant with my first son, Breck. I hadn't heard of a rainbow baby back then, 5 years ago. But, if this conversation of rainbow babies would've been started, I know my healing could've come much sooner.
In July of 2015, I miscarried my second baby. All the emotions came flooding back. But, because I had worked through my previous loss, I was able to cope much better. I was able to tell close friends + talk through it with my husband. The silence was broken.
When I look at my children, Bridger Lee, Bowan John + Breck Andrew, I see the depth of life, the joy, the hope + the pain we all experience. I know these emotions will all come at different times, some will stay longer than others. We often hope for + live for the joy. But, since pain is part of a full life experience, we might as well start talking about it to help each other through it. Did I mention my rainbow baby has dimples?
Did I mention my rainbow baby has dimples?
Photography by: // Lindsey Lee & Co.